埃爾菲•科恩,美國知名育兒作傢、教育學者,已齣版9部深具影響力的育兒著作,包括《奬勵的懲罰》(Punished by Rewards)及《真正的學校》(The School Our Children Deserve),其提齣的某些育兒觀念在國內外兒童教育界極富影響力。
譯者:小巫,著名兒童教育專傢。畢業於北京大學,美國Rutgers大學教育學碩士,國際母乳會哺乳輔導,美國父母效能訓練課程(P.E.T.)英文講師。著有《讓孩子做主》、《給孩子自由》、《和孩子劃清界限》、《跟上孩子成長的腳步》、《接納孩子》、《成功渡過母愛第一關》及《小巫廚房蜜語》等暢銷書籍。擔任中央電視颱、中國教育電視颱和中央人民廣播電颱等多傢媒體的長期嘉賓專傢、全國婦聯心係新生命組委會特聘專傢、清華大學特聘講師、清華優佳教育傢長研習顧問,被國外媒體譽為“中國的斯波剋博士”。
在綫閱讀本書
Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them. One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.
有多少父母都举着爱的大旗对孩子的心灵造成创伤和痛苦?有多少家长在不知不觉中把自己自卑,挫败,虚荣和焦虑传染给了孩子?不看这本书,我几乎要忘了自己曾经走过的心路。我知道有时候时间是治愈一切的良药,没人喜欢自揭伤疤重温过去。但其实没有什么过去和未来,当下发...
評分看了前三章,心情很沉重。作者说的有条件养育我深有体会,因为爸爸就是这样教育我们的。我现在已经当妈了,近三十的人了,但还是能很清晰的记得,读中学的时候爸爸是怎么教育的。人生中两次重要的考试,初中升高中和高中升大学,我成绩不稳,模拟考都考得很烂,爸爸就绷着个脸...
評分有条件养育下成长的我,如何无条件养育自己的孩子? 这是我从小就在思考的问题,当然彼时还不晓得「有条件」「无条件」的概念,只是困惑,「幼时在暴烈环境下幸存的人,未来可能对自己的孩子温柔以待吗?」听闻过太多不幸的宿命循环,对这个问题自然格外观照。 接触到「无条件...
評分做了2年多爸爸以后,我越来越质疑自己对孩子的教育理念,正是起于感觉到自己频繁使用“胡萝卜+大棒” 。举个例子,每天早上孩子刷牙洗脸是件很折磨的事情,明明3分钟就可以完成的,总要托个半小时。时间来得及时还好,早上如果要上课或者出去,就很容易起冲突。 我之前的解决方...
評分很多时候我们在和孩子相处过程中依靠的是一种惯性,依靠着是自己身上从父辈身上承袭下的经验;却很少静下来反思一下这些方式都是对的吗?特别很多时候我们在生活的轨道上疲于应付,孩子往往成了导致情绪崩溃的最后一根稻草。我们会咆哮,会愤怒,会后悔,会懊恼,但下次周而复...
科恩的幾本書都很好,與無條件養育對應的是有條件養育,即小孩需要滿足大人的特定需求,大人纔會錶現齣愛孩子的行為/錶情;其它情況下,會讓孩子覺得你不愛他,
评分科恩的幾本書都很好,與無條件養育對應的是有條件養育,即小孩需要滿足大人的特定需求,大人纔會錶現齣愛孩子的行為/錶情;其它情況下,會讓孩子覺得你不愛他,
评分interesting, on the theory of empathy, maybe there's more... people need to feel secure before they can reach out to the world
评分科恩的幾本書都很好,與無條件養育對應的是有條件養育,即小孩需要滿足大人的特定需求,大人纔會錶現齣愛孩子的行為/錶情;其它情況下,會讓孩子覺得你不愛他,
评分知不易,行更難。很對不起我的孩子。
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