Book Description Raising Them Chaste-is a practical answer to a real problem-communicating a tender truth in a convincing way-providing a handle for gaining leverage to lift us from the moral quicksand sucking so many downward." from the Foreward by Jack W. Hayford, Senior Pastor of The Church on the WayStatistics show the alarming incidence of sexual promiscuity in our society and its devastating consequences. Seventy percent of all American teens have had sex by age eighteen. On the whole, young people in the church show the same trend as unchurched kids.But statistics also show that parents are in the best position to help children establish and cultivate an internal counterpressure to resist sexual temptation. Authors Richard and Renee Durfield show how it is possible for parents to plant within their children a vision of sexual wholeness and purity that will strengthen their resolve to live with integrity to say no to the world's view of morality and be happy about it.As the parents of four children, the Durfields developed the concept of a "key talk" between parent and child. With the parent's encouragement, the young person covenants with God to remain chaste until marriage, and the parent gives the child a ring or similar token and constant reminder of the commitment. How to prepare for this talk, how to hold it successfully, and how to follow-up on it for maximum effectiveness are combined to make this a strategy that already has proven effective for many families who have been taught and c About the Author One of Richard and Renee Durfield's greatest desires was to parent wholesome children who would know the joys of a happy, healthy home. Because they were both from dysfunctional, broken families, they wanted to put to test biblical principles that would help them avoid repeating the failures of previous generations. Married in 1966 and launched into ministry in 1968, they faced all the classical problems of poor and struggling young couples involved in ministry. The Durfields have had to believe God for the absolutely impossible. This life of faith has played an important role in shaping the vision and ministry of the multi-cultural church which they founded and are now pastoring. Richard met the Lord very early in his youth and has served the Lord faithfully since childhood. His education includes a Master of Arts degree from Fuller Theological Seminary and a Doctor of Philosophy degree in Christian Counseling from Evangelical Theological Seminary. He is a Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. He is ordained and has ministered extensively throughout the U.S. and has traveled to over twenty countries of the world speaking in various churches and conferences. In 1981, he and his wife, Renee, founded the San Gabriel Valley Christian Center, now named ChrisTemple, and located in Pomona, California, where he is presently the Senior Pastor. Richard and Renee have founded For Wedlock Only, an organization that provides parents with resources for parents to have a KeyTalk with their children to help them wait until marriage. Together they have co-authored a book entitled Raising Them Chaste. They make their home in Southern California. size : 5.3 x 8.3
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我之前读过几本关于青少年性教育和价值观引导的书籍,但很多都显得过于学术化,或者停留在理论层面,读完后感觉知识点塞满了大脑,但真正面对孩子时,嘴巴却不知道该如何开口。这本书完全避开了这种弊端。它的语言风格极其亲切、真诚,充满了人性的光辉,读起来甚至有点像在读一本优秀的小说,充满了故事性和画面感。作者似乎将自己多年来与大量家庭互动的经验熔铸在了文字里,使得每一个建议都带着深深的现实基础。尤其欣赏它对“耐心”这一美德的反复强调,它明确指出,这是一个漫长的过程,没有速效药,核心在于持续的、非评判性的陪伴。书中有一段论述关于如何处理孩子早恋的挫败感,它没有把重点放在“阻止”上,而是教导父母如何帮助孩子处理初次心动带来的强烈情感波动,并引导他们认识到情感的复杂性和严肃性,这种“处理情绪而非扼杀冲动”的思路,真是太高明了。这本书真正教会我的,是如何以一种更具人道主义关怀的方式,去引导孩子建立他们自己的人生准则。
评分说实话,我一开始对这类主题的书籍是持保留态度的,总觉得它们容易流于说教,甚至带有一种时代脱节的刻板印象。然而,这本书的行文风格却出乎我的意料,它非常接地气,充满了理解和同理心,读起来完全没有那种高高在上的审判感。作者似乎深谙现代青少年的心理动态,她没有回避社交媒体、流行文化对孩子价值观的冲击,而是正视了这些挑战,并提出了一套积极的应对策略。特别赞赏的是,书中对“爱”的定义进行了深入的探讨,它将“等待”的行为提升到了一个更具精神层面和情感成熟度的层面,强调这不仅仅是一种行为上的克制,更是一种对自我价值的尊重和对未来伴侣的负责。我特别喜欢其中关于“建立家庭的安全港湾”的那一部分,作者强调,只有当孩子在家庭中感受到无条件的接纳和绝对的安全感时,他们才更有力量去抵御外界的诱惑和压力。这本书的文字像是一位经验丰富的老友在耳边轻语,语气平和而坚定,既不显得软弱,也不咄咄逼人,成功地在“坚持原则”和“保持亲密沟通”之间找到了一个非常微妙的平衡点,这对于一个在青春期边缘徘徊的孩子的父母来说,无疑是宝贵的指引。
评分这本书的结构设计简直是教科书级别的!它没有采用传统的“是什么、为什么、怎么办”的死板模式,而是构建了一个螺旋上升的学习路径。最开始是构建“家庭价值观的基石”,这部分工作主要集中在父母如何统一口径,如何建立透明而又充满尊重的家庭契约。然后,它开始深入探讨“青春期心智的微妙变化”,这一点处理得极其细腻,描绘了荷尔蒙带来的冲动、同伴压力以及对身份认同的探索,让家长能够精准地捕捉到孩子行为背后的真实需求。最让我感到惊喜的是,它提供了一套“情境化演练手册”,书中设计了数十个孩子可能会遇到的棘手场景,并提供了不止一种解决思路,例如,当孩子的朋友们在公开场合讨论亲密话题时,父母如何巧妙地引导话题走向更深层次的讨论,而不是简单粗暴地制止。这种实战性的指导,让原本令人手足无措的日常冲突,变成了一次次增进亲子关系的教育契机。可以说,这本书的价值远超出了其主题本身,它更像是一本关于如何在瞬息万变的世界中,依然保持清晰的家庭教育哲学指南。
评分这本书的封面设计挺有意思的,色彩搭配比较柔和,给人一种温暖而又坚定的感觉,不像市面上那种说教味很重的育儿书,它更像是一本精心准备的家庭指南。我本来是抱着试试看的心态买的,毕竟这个话题在如今这个时代确实敏感又重要。翻开目录,能感受到作者在结构上的用心,每一章都有清晰的逻辑递进,从基础的家庭沟通技巧,到如何与青春期的孩子建立信任,再到一些非常具体的情境应对策略,都安排得井井有条。阅读过程中,我发现作者非常注重“实践性”,没有过多停留在空洞的理论阐述上,而是提供了大量可以立即在日常生活中尝试的对话脚本和活动建议。比如,关于如何引导孩子理解“承诺”和“长期关系”的价值,书中给出的方法就非常巧妙,不是直接下达禁令,而是通过引导式的提问,让孩子自己去思考和得出结论,这种尊重个体成长的态度非常打动我。另外,书中对父母自身心态的调整也着墨颇多,深知父母的焦虑和无措是影响孩子决定的关键因素,所以它也像是在悄悄地进行一场针对家长的自我教育,让人在教导孩子的同时,自己也在不断地完善和成长。整体感觉,这本书提供了一个非常扎实、充满智慧的框架,让父母在面对这个复杂的人生课题时,不再感到孤立无援。
评分这本书的深度和广度都令人称道。它不仅仅聚焦于单一的道德说教,而是将这个议题置于一个宏大的生命教育框架之下进行探讨。作者似乎在提醒每一位家长,我们培养的不仅仅是一个“遵守规则的人”,而是一个具有健全人格、能够做出明智抉择的未来公民。书中详细分析了现代社会中各种“即时满足”文化对青少年心智的腐蚀作用,并提出了构建内在“延迟满足”和“目标导向”能力的具体方法。我个人对其中关于“建立个人边界感”的章节印象最为深刻,它阐述了清晰的个人边界如何成为抵御外部不良影响的坚固防线,这不仅仅是关于亲密关系,更是关于自我价值的确认。这本书的论证逻辑严密,引用的社会学和心理学观点也恰到好处,使得整个论述既有理论支撑,又不失可读性。它提供了一种积极的、面向未来的视角,让我们看到,引导孩子走一条审慎的道路,并非是剥夺他们的快乐,而是为他们未来真正的、更深刻的幸福打下坚实的基础。读完后,我感觉自己不仅找到了具体的操作指南,更重要的是,重新校准了作为父母在这个快速变化的时代中,应该坚守的核心教育理念。
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