"Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't" offers specific recommendations for increasing family harmony through more effective parenting practices. This important new book helps parents improve family understanding and relationships by reducing the emotional interference - anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, and fear - that blocks healthier and happier family connections. Each chapter is laced with knowledge and therapeutic humor that examine dimensions to family living in a way that helps parents lighten up a little rather than tighten up a lot. Parents will find that encouraging family members to take one another less seriously increases their opportunities for more constructive interactions. Marital and family counselors, social workers, psychologists, guidance counselors, psychiatrists, and other human service professionals can use the valuable information in this book to help families view their interfamilial relationships more objectively and to take each other less seriously, creating more constructive interactions and happier, stronger relationships. Therapists will learn to encourage clients to question and challenge conventional ideas of the family that often lead to demands, exaggerations, irrational expectations, personalizations, and self- and other judgments, all of which contaminate the family relationship. Using the scientific principles of rational thinking, Author Bill Borcherdt questions the relationship between parents and their children and the degree of influence parents have over their children. He places the focus on a parental advocacy model by which parents are encouraged to give themselves some emotional slack and to develop a sense of humility for what they can and cannot do for their children. This starts the process of family members learning what to realistically expect and accept from one another. Borcherdt shows readers that by taking the sacredness and 'golden' rules out of the definitions of family living, emotional upset and oppositional behavioral obstacles can be minimized and more emotional well-being and family fulfillment can be experienced. Each chapter in "Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't" is lined with knowledge and therapeutic humor that examines dimensions of family living in a way that assists families in loosening up a little rather than tightening up a lot. This improves family members' understanding of and relationships among one another by reducing the emotional interference - feelings of anger, betrayal, guilt, shame, fear- that blocks healthy, happy family connections and by offering specific practical recommendations for increasing family harmony. Through his analyses of 30 topics of family living, presented under the umbrella of learning what to realistically expect of imperfect parents of imperfect children in an imperfect world, Borcherdt reveals to readers that: individuals are active participants in creating their own emotional problems and disturbances; people exaggerate the significance of past family disturbances; emotional slack and fewer unrealistic demands of self and others leads to a happier family; family members often disturb themselves unnecessarily by escalating family values into sacred demands; and, families don't shape character, they reveal it. Unlike other books about family living, "Making Families Work and What To Do When They Don't" analyzes the dysfunctional ideas that family members hold about themselves and others rather than the dysfunctional relationships that naturally exist between fallible human beings. In this guidebook, readers learn creative, new ways of approaching old family problems,and they gain succinct explanations of how they can help their own and other families do things differently and do different things to improve emotional and behavioral well-being within the family.
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这本书在探讨“当关系无法维系时”的处理方式上,展现出一种非常成熟和务实的态度。它没有把“离婚”或“分离”视为家庭失败的终极标志,而是将其看作是现有结构瓦解后,个体寻求新平衡的必要阶段。我非常欣赏作者对此的处理方式,它避开了道德审判,而是专注于如何以对所有相关方(包括孩子)伤害最小化的方式来完成过渡。这种对“解体过程”的细致分析,远超出了许多市面上只关注“如何修复”的书籍的范畴。它承认了有些“修补”是徒劳的,而“体面地放手”本身也是一种高难度的家庭功课。这种深刻的洞察力,让这本书的价值超越了传统的“维系家庭幸福”的范畴,而上升到了对个体生命完整性的关怀层面。它提供的是一种韧性,一种面对不可逆转的变故时,依然能够保持尊严和责任感的能力。
评分读完前三分之一,我感觉作者在构建家庭“健康”的蓝图时,似乎没有回避那些最令人不适的话题,比如长期存在的怨恨积累、成年子女与原生家庭的边界模糊问题,以及在经济压力下亲密关系发生的微妙变化。许多同类书籍在处理这些“硬骨头”时常常选择性地回避,或者用过于理想化的“积极沟通”来一笔带过。然而,这本书似乎更愿意深入到那些“灰色地带”,那些我们通常选择沉默以避免尴尬的角落。我特别留意到其中关于“家庭叙事”构建的部分,它探讨了家庭成员如何共同或独自地“书写”关于“我们是谁”的故事,以及这种叙事如何无形中限制了未来的可能性。如果后续章节能够提供具体的工具,帮助家庭成员识别并重写那些限制性的、负面的家族脚本,那么这本书的实用价值将大大提升。目前看来,它在理论深度和对现实困境的描摹上做得非常到位,像是在为深层次的改变打下坚实的哲学基础。
评分这本书的结构组织非常清晰,像是一张精心绘制的地图,引导读者从宏观的家庭动力学,逐步聚焦到微观的日常互动。我发现它没有过度依赖那些花哨的“技巧包”,而是致力于培养读者的“观察能力”。比如,它可能花了好几页篇幅来描述一个看似平常的晚餐场景,但通过对肢体语言、语气的细微差异的剖析,揭示出背后隐藏的权力结构和未被满足的情感需求。这种细致入微的描述,迫使我不得不放慢阅读速度,去反思自己在家中扮演的“角色”——我是那个总是提供解决方案的人,还是那个习惯性地让别人来主导决策的人?这种内省的过程是痛苦但也极其有益的。它没有给我现成的答案,而是递给我一把尺子,让我自己去量度我家庭的尺度,并判断哪些地方需要校准。这种由内而外的改变驱动力,比任何外部灌输的技巧都要持久和有效。
评分这本书的封面设计着实吸引人,那种带着点复古味道的排版,加上那种让人感到踏实、温暖的色调,一下子就让人觉得,这本书里装的肯定都是真知灼见,是那种能真正帮你解决问题的“老中医”式的智慧。我翻开目录的时候,心里就冒出一种期待,希望它能提供一些既有深度又易于操作的建议。毕竟,现代家庭面临的挑战是多维度的,从代际沟通的鸿沟到伴侣关系中的日常摩擦,再到孩子教育的焦虑,哪一个都不是能用一两句口号就轻易解决的。我特别关注的是它对“功能性”的定义,它是不是只关注表面的和谐,还是深入到家庭系统运作的底层逻辑。如果它能提供一套清晰的框架,帮助读者识别出家庭系统中的“堵点”和“死循环”,那就太棒了。我希望它能像一个经验丰富的家庭治疗师那样,不带评判地引导读者审视自己的行为模式,而不是简单地指责某一方的过错。那种能让人在阅读过程中,不自觉地对照自己家庭生活,并产生“原来如此”恍然大悟感觉的文字,才是真正有力量的。总而言之,这本书给我的第一印象,是那种既专业又充满人文关怀的工具书,让人充满了探究的欲望。
评分这本书的文字风格,读起来有一种非常沉稳的节奏感,不像市面上很多快餐式的育儿或关系指南那样,充满了激昂的口号和夸张的案例来吸引眼球。它更像是一位知识渊博的长者,在壁炉边,慢条斯理地跟你分享他多年观察所得的洞察。我注意到作者在论述某些核心观点时,习惯性地会引用一些社会学或心理学的经典理论作为支撑,这无疑增加了内容的信服力,但处理得非常巧妙,并没有让文章变得晦涩难懂。它似乎非常注重“情境化”的理解,反复强调“没有一种模式适用于所有家庭”,这种去标签化的态度,对于那些长期困在“为什么我的家庭不像别人那样完美”的焦虑中的人来说,是一种极大的解脱。我尤其欣赏它对“冲突”的重新定义,作者似乎将冲突视为家庭能量重新分配的契机,而不是必须被消除的威胁。这种视角上的转变,是这本书最让我觉得耳目一新的地方。它不是在教你如何“打赢”争吵,而是在教你如何通过争吵,更深层次地理解彼此的需求和恐惧。这种对复杂人性的细腻捕捉,使得阅读体验非常贴近真实生活。
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