Some people have a satisfactory theory about life. They understand why they are

alive and why there is evil and suffering in the world. They talk easily about love

and hate, freedom, pain, death. They seem to know what behavior is good and

what is bad.

Others, like myself, have no consistent theory to make life clear. We experience life

rather than theorizing about it or trying to understand it. For us life is its own

explanation. We may adopt a style of living for a time, then radically change it. We

may adhere to some belief, then later dismiss it. Our critics see us as unstable,

even selfish. Our friends accept us without needing explanation.

Thus, for us life is not a preparation or even an unfolding awareness. It is simply

life--with sunshine days and foggy nights. It does not require interpretation. We feel

the sun warm on our face and it says all that needs to be said. We wander through

the fog and it speaks to us all by itself.

This is not to say that life is not at times paradoxical and mysterious, or painful

and opaque. It is simply to say that increasingly we do not define life or direct its

course. We more or less stand back and let it happen. It is not that we never strive

Rather, we are not as conscious of striving.

Great changes have taken place in my life, but they were not the changes I

anticipated. They were the changes I permitted to happen. The changes that I

wanted most earnestly actually occurred when somehow l ceased wanting them. I

have learned that my distractions are usually more creative than my resolutions.