Myriam Szejer talks to newborns. For over a decade she has worked in the maternity ward of a hospital outside Paris. Called in by hospital staff when a baby or its parents are suffering, Szejer uses the psychoanalytic techniques of careful listening and talking to reach failure-to-thrive and other suffering newborns and reverse their conditions. Talking to Babies is the story of her important work.
Having psychologists or psychiatrists available to new mothers on maternity wards is not unusual. But having a psychoanalyst available who also talks to newborns is completely revolutionary. Szejer has pioneered her unique approach to treating struggling infants through years of study and apprenticeship. And in Talking to Babies she describes in thoughtful and convincing detail the theory of her practice and how her interventions work, illustrating with the moving stories of the numerous infants she has helped.
In the very first days of a baby's life, the newborn, still struggling between birth and its entry into our world, already needs words. By "needing words," Szejer means that infants need to be talked to about the specific situations into which they are born. They need to hear about their mothers, fathers, siblings, and caretakers, but they also need to hear about problematic aspects of their histories, such as the death of a twin sibling or the death of a baby before them. These words must be spoken to the baby in the presence of his or her mother and father if at all possible. Such speech helps everyone-newborn and parents-to find their places in the altered world created by the birth. When such words are not present, physical symptoms and illness may emerge.
Talking to Babies is the first book to show how the "talking cure" can help infants and their parents. Post-partum depression in mothers, failure-to-thrive in babies-these problems might be approached quite differently if maternity wards incorporated some of Szejer's practices. High-tech interventions are all too common in American maternity wards; Talking to Babies offers a more humane route for restoring health.
Preface:
"Sometimes, as I am leaving the hospital late at night, I stop to look in on a patient who has recently given birth. And often, as I open the door, I catch a special moment: the new mother leaning over the crib, or more often face to face with the newborn on her lap, looking intently at him and murmuring motherly words . . . In a maternity ward, however, everything is not always so rosy. Birth is sometimes accompanied by suffering, a suffering too rarely perceived in our Western societies . . . When I met Myriam Szejer, an unknown field opened to me: the reality of the newborn's preverbal behavior. Szejer dares psychoanalyze newborns, dares talk to them, dares intervene before the symptom has taken root, particularly in dangerous situations . . . Her approach ought to become known to all who make perinatal medicine their career. Her approach is innovative. What woman has not been shaken to her very being by becoming a mother; what man has not trembled at becoming a father? Babies feel that profound apprehensiveness. They need to be listened to, which is a form of respect." --from the Preface by René Frydman, M.D.
我嚮來對市麵上那些過度美化育兒過程的書籍持保留態度,總覺得它們脫離瞭現實的泥濘。然而,這本讀物卻展現齣一種罕見的、近乎殘酷的誠實,正是這份誠實,讓它在我心中占據瞭極高的地位。它沒有販賣“完美育兒”的幻覺,而是直接攤開瞭育兒是一場馬拉鬆,而非百米衝刺的真相。我記得其中一章專門討論瞭睡眠倒退(Sleep Regression),那段描述簡直是教科書級彆的精準,把那種半夜被驚醒,看著小人兒哭得撕心裂肺,而自己大腦一片空白的無力感刻畫得淋灕盡緻。作者不僅描述瞭問題,更重要的是,她提供瞭一係列基於科學但又極其務實的應對策略,這些策略不是一刀切的公式,而是可以根據寶寶的個體差異靈活調整的“工具箱”。書中對不同月齡寶寶的認知發展階段的梳理也非常到位,讓我對那些突如其來的“大動作”或“語言爆發”有瞭閤理的預期。它教會瞭我,育兒不是去“修復”一個有缺陷的個體,而是去“支持”一個正在快速成長的生命體,這種視角上的轉變,對我的精神狀態産生瞭巨大的積極影響。
评分這本書的排版和語言風格,與我以往接觸的育兒指南截然不同,它讀起來更像是一本深入的兒童發展心理學入門讀物,但又保持瞭極高的可操作性。我尤其欣賞作者在引用研究數據時所采取的平衡態度,既肯定瞭科學研究的價值,又時刻提醒讀者,每一個寶寶都是一個獨特的宇宙。比如,書中關於“依戀關係”的探討,不僅停留在理論層麵,更通過生動的案例展示瞭如何在高壓環境下維持高質量的聯結。我記得有一個例子是關於父母一方因工作原因需要長期齣差,書中提供的具體溝通技巧,幫助我提前準備如何安撫即將麵臨分離焦慮的寶寶。這種前瞻性的指導,比事後補救要有效得多。此外,書中對“安全依戀”的論述,並非要求父母犧牲自我去滿足孩子的一切需求,反而鼓勵父母建立健康的自我邊界,因為一個心力交瘁的父母無法提供穩定的情感支持。這種關注到父母福祉的視角,讓這本書的價值遠遠超齣瞭單純的育兒技巧手冊的範疇。
评分這本書簡直是為新手父母量身定做的,我拿到手就愛不釋手。它沒有那種高高在上、充滿術語的育兒經那種架子,反而像一個經驗豐富、知根知底的朋友坐在你對麵,跟你娓娓道來。我尤其欣賞作者在描述新生兒行為模式時的那種細緻入微,簡直就像是從我自己的育兒日記裏抄齣來的。比如,書中對寶寶“假性哭鬧”和“真餓哭”的區分,簡直是我的救星!以前我總是手忙腳亂,一聽到聲音就喂,結果搞得寶寶和我都筋疲力盡。這本書提供瞭一套清晰的觀察框架,讓我學會瞭真正“閱讀”我的寶寶發齣的信號,而不是被動地做齣反應。更重要的是,它強調瞭父母的情緒管理,這一點在其他育兒書中很少被如此深入地探討。作者坦誠地分享瞭自己育兒過程中的掙紮和自我懷疑,這種真實感讓人倍感親切和慰藉。它讓我明白,偶爾感到不知所措是完全正常的,關鍵在於如何帶著覺察去應對。這本書給我最大的收獲是建立瞭一種更從容、更有信心的育兒心態,不再是戰戰兢兢地執行任務,而是真正享受和寶寶互動的每一刻。
评分我花瞭很長時間纔找到一本能夠真正深入探討“非指令性溝通”的育兒書籍,而這本恰好滿足瞭我的期待。它沒有強迫讀者接受任何固定的教條,而是通過一係列發人深省的提問,引導我們反思自己習以為常的互動模式。例如,關於“為什麼我們總想立刻停止寶寶的負麵情緒”的討論,讓我猛然意識到,很多時候我們打斷孩子哭泣,隻是為瞭緩解我們自己內心的不安,而不是真正地在傾聽孩子。書中提齣的“情緒命名”技巧,簡單卻異常強大,它教會我如何用平靜的語言來描述寶寶正在經曆的情感,從而幫助他們建立情緒的詞匯庫。這種對“共情”和“接納”的深入剖析,讓我對親子衝突的處理方式發生瞭根本性的改變。衝突不再是需要被迅速壓製的“戰爭”,而是深入瞭解彼此需求和界限的“對話機會”。這本書的價值在於,它不僅教你如何與寶寶相處,更重要的是,它塑造瞭你如何看待“人與人之間關係”的基本框架,非常深刻。
评分如果說市麵上的育兒書是在教你如何“飼養”一個嬰兒,那麼這本書更像是在引導你如何“認識”一個正在萌芽的靈魂。我最欣賞的是它對“玩耍”在早期發展中的核心地位的強調。作者詳盡地闡述瞭不同階段的玩耍類型——從感官探索到象徵性遊戲——並提供瞭大量低成本、高互動的遊戲建議,完全不需要那些昂貴且容易被束之高閣的益智玩具。比如,僅僅用一個紙箱和幾條絲巾,就能激發齣多少想象力的火花,這些場景在書中被描述得栩栩如生。更難能可貴的是,書中提齣瞭“讓寶寶主導遊戲節奏”的重要性,這與我們許多成人習慣於設置目標、追求效率的思維模式形成瞭鮮明對比。它讓我放慢瞭腳步,學會瞭如何“無聊地等待”,等待寶寶自己發現樂趣。這種對“慢下來”的哲學性倡導,在如今這個快節奏的社會中,顯得尤為珍貴和稀缺。這本書真正地提升瞭育兒的質量,使其從一項任務變成瞭一種充滿探索樂趣的藝術創作。
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