“Pregnancy was a 90-minute massage compared to life now.”

After her little bundle of joy, Rowan (aka The Dictator) arrives, Rebecca Eckler wonders when the promised “rewarding” part will kick in. She wasn’t supposed to trade in tight jeans for baggy sweatpants, or give up the dream of sound sleep and a passionate sex life. Yet, even in the throes of her exhaustion, Rebecca gleans and shares some sound advice for modern moms, including everything you need to know on

• The Diaper Genie: “It’s been six weeks and we have yet to use this ‘must-have’ baby item because we can’t figure out how the damn thing works.”

• Achievement: “No matter how well I had done in school, no matter what my career accomplishments were, my mother had never been so proud of me as when I gave birth.”

• Keeping up appearances: “How is it possible that I haven’t had a drink in months, yet still look worse than I ever did hung over?”

• The effectiveness of baby monitors: “You can hear a baby screaming through walls. Unless you live in the Taj Mahal and place your baby at the other end of the palace, there is no way you won’t hear her cry.”

• Size matters: “I had made the mistake of trying on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, which I couldn’t get up past my knees. It was the worst decision I have ever made.”

With the same dry wit as her hilarious chronicle Knocked Up: Confessions of a Hip Mother-to-be, Eckler sets the record straight on being a new mom: the highs, the lows, and the sheer bliss that comes when you’re dealing with the demands of someone who’s not very large but undeniably in charge.

Praise for Knocked Up

“Painfully funny . . . biting wit.”–Los Angeles Times

“Quirky and outlandish.”–New York Daily News