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Here for the geek in all of us are fifty foolproof equations that take the guesswork out of life—and the funniest twist on an idea since Richard Smith’s The Dieter’s Guide to Weight Loss During Sex . Call it the algebra oracle: By plugging in the right variables, GEEK LOGIK answers life’s most persistent questions. It covers Dating and Romance, Career and Finance, and everyday decisions like Should I get a tattoo? Can I still wear tight jeans? Is it time to see a therapist? How many beers should I have at the company picnic?

How does it work? Take a simple issue that comes up once or twice a week: Should I call in sick? Fill in the variables honestly, such as D for doctor’s note (enter 1 for “no,” 10 for “yes,” and 5 for “yes, but it’s a forgery”), R for importance of job (1-10, with 10 being “personally responsible for Earth’s orbit around Sun”), Fj for how much fun you have at work (1-10, with 10 being “personal trainer for underwear models”), N for how much you need the money (1-10, with 10 being “I owe the mob”), then do the math, and voilà—if the product, Hooky, is greater than 1, enjoy your very own Ferris Bueller’s Day Off .

Includes a pocket calculator so that prospective geeks can immediately solve the equation on the back cover: Should I buy this book?